Portuguese Serve Affection at the Table, But Want to Give More Away From It, Survey Says

(From Mimosa website)

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Seven out of 10 Portuguese, in what is considered the first scientific survey of emotions in the country, say that affection is not being fully expressed in the family, reported Renascença (November 21).

"It's not an absence of feelings, but of tools. The Portuguese express themselves more in discreet gestures. It's as if affection needs a mask to circulate without discomfort," said Joana Barbosa, one of the survey's authors and partner at the consultancy Return on Ideas, according to Expresso (November 27).

In general, the Portuguese have not been educated to recognize their feelings. They lack emotional literacy, according to the study, Os Portugueses e os Seus Afetos: Será que Nos Entendemos (The Portuguese and Their Affections: Do We Understand Each Other?), sponsored by Mimosa, a company of milk products, and edited by Expresso.

There were 800 respondents in the survey, which was coordinated by psychiatrist Daniel Sampaio.

A total of 43 percent miss meaningful friendships, where there is truth and intimacy, reported Expresso (November 27). The need is most pronounced among those between the ages of 35 and 44 (57 percent).

Fifty-one percent admit to a lack of empathy or having room for improvement in this area. Forty-eight percent say that they are not very affectionate or have difficulty showing affection.

Parents, Grandparents

Forty-four percent mention at least one person in their close circle with whom they would like to strengthen ties. Mother and father are at the top of the list.

The period of adolescence was identified by 54 percent as the phase of life that most contributes to the estrangement between parents and children, with 32 percent of young people, between 18 and 24 years old, showing greater ease in being affectionate with friends or people outside the family.

"Parents today are afraid of losing their children's love," according to The Portuguese and Their Affections. "The challenge is no longer just the natural tendency for young people to distance themselves, but also the inability of many parents to tolerate this. The stifling of space for growth, even if well-intentioned, can harm not only the children but also the emotional bonds they are trying to protect."

Many young people are distancing themselves from their parents physically.

An estimated one in three, ages 15 and 39, or 850,000, are living abroad, according to an Observatório da Emigração estimate, reported Expresso (January 12), from a country in which emigration is a feature of its identity, according to the web portal, Portuguese Government: Foreign Affairs.

The story is different when it comes to grandparents and grandchildren. Seventy-two percent of respondents living with their grandparents indicate a close relationship with them.

"Grandparents don't want anything from their grandchildren, except their presence. From grandparents, grandchildren inherit stories, ways of doing things and being but, above all, a memory of selfless love," according to the study.

The numbers also reveal a misalignment of emotional codes among couples, with 81 percent of women frustrated at not being understood in the way they like to receive affection, compared to 68 percent of men.

"I see many couples who, when they get together, aren't entirely honest in showing who they are. Sometimes intimacy isn't talked about, it's just done. It's very important to create a safe environment for the expression of affection," said psychologist Marta Crawford.

Society Is Changing

Sixty-four percent of respondents feel that society is less empathetic than it was five or 10 years ago, reported Renascença.

There is a trend toward a reconfiguration of society confirmed in the 2021 Census, which may impinge on how people learn to express affection.

Single people outnumber married people and are now 43.4 percent of the population compared to 41.1 percent a decade ago. The married population fell by 2.1 percent, while the divorced population rose by 8 percent, which is 2 percent more than 10 years ago, reported Expresso (December 18, 2021).

“Marriage is losing its social value, and there are more and more people living alone. This has to do with aging and widowhood, but not just that. Divorce is on the rise, and many people no longer start a love life after that,” said Maria João Valente Rosa, demographer and professor at the Universidade Nova de Lisboa.

Coupled with this trend is a decreasing size of households. There are fewer and fewer families with four and five people living in the same house. Two-person households continue to be the most prevalent (33 percent). However, single-person households have increased by 18.6 percent and represent one-quarter of the total in the country.

The highest percentage of people living alone is in the Lisbon Metropolitan Area (28.2 percent). The lowest percentage is in the Azores (20.3 percent).

With smaller households, there has been a 2.6 percent increase in their number, but more on the coast than in the interior.

The Alentejo is the only region where there has been a decrease in the number of households. However, it is the second region, after the North, in which institutional households such as senior citizen homes, long-term care homes, and other institutional residences have increased the most.

What Now?

The coordinator of The Portuguese and Their Affections, Daniel Sampaio, who is also a retired professor of Psychiatry and Mental Health from the University of Lisbon, noted that the findings call for preventative action in the area of mental health, reported Renascença (November 21).

"We should be concerned, but act in a positive way in the preventive sphere because relationship difficulties, lack of love, the feeling of not being liked, have implications for the later appearance of mental disorders. In particular, anxiety and depression."

The psychiatrist recommended increasing parental leave. Currently, parental leave is 120 to 150 days, which can be divided by the parents or taken by just one of them, according to the Portuguese public services portal. The only difference between the four- and five-month leave is the amount of allocated monetary allowance. Also, there is a mandatory 42 days for the mother immediately after the birth and a mandatory 28 days for the father, seven of which must be taken immediately after the birth. Monetary allowance is paid individually, with the amount depending on each person's work income.

Sampaio suggested creating adolescent consultations at health centers; training psychologists and family doctors to help during the adolescent phase, when there is greater tension in relationships, and promoting couples therapy at health centers, which does not exist currently, according to Expresso.

"Politicians need to be more concerned with the relationships between people," said Sampaio, younger brother of the former president of the Portuguese Republic Jorge Sampaio (1939-2021). "This could be a function of the President of the Republic, to be concerned with the emotional well-being of the Portuguese people. You never hear a word about this. There are already countries where this happens."

He also urged delaying contact with phone screens but advocated a meal at the table and the simple act of cooking together," reported Renascença.

"Culturally, food is a common and powerful language of love. Thirty-three percent say that through food they can express feelings that they cannot always put into words. Much of the affection in Portugal is served at the table and circulates from Tupperware containers," said psychiatrist Daniel Sampaio, in Expresso.

Mimosa, the company of milk products and the study's sponsor, in its Descomplica o Mimo campaign, agrees that food is an emotional tool, "highlighting the importance of small gestures -- preparing a meal, offering something comforting, caring for others -- as valid and powerful forms of affectionate expression", according to Marketeer (November 21).